Enjoyment

Right now I am having real trouble enjoying my kids as a whole. When I've got all 4 of them together it seems more like I'm surviving than enjoying and living. I do a lot of time out, correcting, scolding, raising my voice and wanting to go to my room and cry. One on one time is a constant craving of mine right now. I'm not proud of it, and I'm working on it.

I know this will pass. Soon Tess wont be my infant, she'll be my 6 month old, then my 9 month old and then my toddler. Soon I'll have more time, more time, more time....
And then I think, dont wish away her babiness!!!!!! So then, ahhh, the guilt.


But for now, I'm focusing on the enjoyment I had today...the big stuff...the moments I don't want to forget, ever.

Lauren:
She was the 'Star Student' in her class this week. She got to take pictures, toys, books, collections and anything about her that she could dream up. She got to tell her story all week to her class. Then today she invited Jordan and I to eat lunch with her. Jordan had me buy her a flower to bring with us. Seeing her face when she saw her dad hiding the flower behind his back was so sweet. I don't want to forget the proud look on her face when she walked the flower back to her desk and came to meet us at the door for lunch.
(And yes, he is the BEST daddy for little girls...)

Avery:
During nap time today Avery asked if I would cuddle with her. Um, yes. The answer to that is always yes. We snuggled on the couch and she rubbed my cheek. I think she is likely getting the least amount of attention right now. I need to fix that. She gets to attend her first 'friend' birthday party tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready for it. But she definetly is!

Sullivan:
He went to the store with my by himself when Jordan got off work tonight. He asked if he could push one of the kid carts. I RARELY say yes to this. But I did tonight. I let him take the things we needed off the shelves and put them in the cart. I let him put them on the checkout counter. I let him carry a bag to the car. As I was buckling him into his car seat for the drive home he said, "I'm your helper, I a big boy. I love you, mommy."
Uh, Sully, I love you too. Wow.

Contessa:
Tonight Jordan went back to work and all the older kids were in bed. I was rocking her and she just stared at me. Just stared into my eyes for what seemed like 10 minutes. She smiled and cooed. I think she was saying, I love you. And Tess, I love you. And I LOVE you being my infant. I am enjoying your babyhood like I never thought possible. Thank you for making me slow down.