Baub

Torrance was bringing me random pictures today and telling me who was in them. 

She brought me one of my mom and dad and pointed to my dad and said, 'Icarhard.'

I was so happy. 

Then she pointed to my mom and said, 'who dat?'

Not good. Its been less than a month. 

So I took the kids over to my mom's this afternoon to help Tori remember.

It was hard. I haven't had them there. 

I avoid going myself. 

It was hard to pull up and see her flowers popping up and knowing 

how excited she would have been for that. 

It was hard to have the kids wait at the back door while I unlocked it. 

Grandma's house has never been locked before. 

It was hard when Sullivan started pointing out all grandma's things, like her shoes, her coat...and asking, what are we going to do with all of this mom? 

It was excruciating when we walked in and Tori started calling for grandma.

She called her BAUB. Not Grandma, not Mama...

Just Baub. 

Lauren and I were both sobbing. 

Then Tori turned and said, 'Baub died??'

Then she started to play with all her toys there. 

She sat here with a baby doll and an old purse on a rocking horse my grandpa made. 

I could only be sorry for the days I didn't stop by so she could sit on that horse 

and make my mom's day. 

And I know, she is in heaven and yes, that is better. 

But I'm on earth. 

And its hard to know that my kids could forget their grandma.