prepare HIM room

I'm finally willing to admit this...

I'm really struggling with Christmas and the holiday season this year. 

Like, I walked down the Christmas section in Walmart and had to leave the store in tears. 

With my 3 year old asking, 'Mommy, what's wrong? Why you crying?'

Struggling like if I think about it too long I'm almost having an anxiety attack. 

Struggling like the thought of having a Christmas tree in my house makes me want to run for cover. 

I miss my mom. 

I miss my dad. 

I miss the innocence and stability that you lose when both of your parents are gone. 

I miss being a kid!

I'm no longer the grand-child at our family events, I'm no longer the daughter. 

Instead now, I'm the mom. 

That's scary uncharted territory folks. 

No way I'm mature enough for that. 

But over the past few weeks there have been some quiet voices speaking to me about this. 

One is this blog...jessmcclenahan.com

Go check her out. She's great. 

(I even stole the title of my post from her)

Another a friend who simply said, 'But Becky, remember, remember what we are celebrating.'

And this book.

And my Jesus. Who has just quietly been whispering...'forget the trees, the songs, the traditions, forget all of that...find ME. Focus on me. '

I do not want to merely survive this Holiday season. 

And so I started out on a mission to make this the most Christ filled Christmas for my family. 

My children look to me to 'make' Christmas. 

That's a powerful task ladies. 

Powerful. 

Consider that. 

What will they remember? 

What will they treasure? 

No, I'm not giving up our traditions. 

But I am finding ways to fill every aspect of those traditions with HIM. 

To give them meaning and in that, Joy. 

When I realized that I have the opportunity to make this the most special Christmas for our family I actually found my Christmas spirit! 

And no, I am not going to do this perfectly. 

I will have nights running from those Christmas lights. 

I doubt I'll purposefully listen to a single Christmas carol. 

And I'm sure I'll even have a couple of nights up late wrapping Christmas gifts with a bad attitude. 

But there's grace and love to cover that. 

I've found some great verses and insight in this wonderful bible study. 

II Chronicles 16:9 

'For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.'

He is my strength...He promised me that right there in that verse. 

I can make this Christmas beautiful...through Him. 

Matthew 11:28-30

'Come to me, all you who weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'

It doesn't get much better than that...He says, 'you've got problems?! Come to me! I've got rest!'

So as I prepare for the holidays I hope to share some of the ways that I'm turning our focus this year. 

And some of the tools I'm using to help me get there. 

And I pray that it will make all the difference not only in this difficult Christmas, but in all the Christmases that I have to celebrate.