Pine Lake

We headed over to Pine Lake for the day yesterday. We had a picnic, enjoyed nature, Jordan and the kids biked, Tess slept and we all sweated a lot.
I love days like this...

The Home of the Brave

Just watched Michael Phelps standing on the podium listening to our National Anthem.

I cant imagine anything that could be much more moving than standing there listening to that. How do you not cry? I cried watching it on tv.

I love the Olympics. It makes me so proud. I remember as a kid pretending to be one of the gymnasts as they nailed their final move in a routine. I'd dream about it too.

I cant wait to watch the Women's Gymnastics and Track and Field events with Lauren and Avery!

The prodigal daughter has returned...

SHE'S HOME!!!!!

Jordan took the three older kids golfing tonight and about 8:45 I was sitting rocking Tess and I hear this LOUD screaming coming in the door.

I couldn't make much of it out but it sounded excited, not hurt or scared.

Then I saw Lauren's face as she yelled, IZZY's BACK!!!!!! I cried.

Jordan said they saw her when they got out of the van and then he opened the front door for her and she ran in the house.

She was apparently well fed while she was away. She's still big and she wasnt interested in her food. All she wants to do is be petted.

Melanie says that she was trying to teach us a lesson, "Stop bringing babies home!"

Welcome home Izzy, we missed you. The family is complete again! ;)

Headache

I have literally had a headache since the morning I checked into the hospital to have Tess.

I am very sick of it.

Izzy

We were sitting around watching the Olympics tonight when the phone rang. Someone thought they had found our cat. (We posted a notice about her on our cable access channel).

He described the cat to me and it sounded just like Izzy. We all ran to the van and drove across town.
I stepped on their porch and a cat came right out to me...it looked JUST like Izzy. But weighed about 20 pounds less and had a little more white on her face than Izzy.

I could have cried.

The kids couldn't stop asking, Well where is our cat? When is she coming home? Can we go look for her more?

When we walked into the house Lauren started crying, hard. I think seeing this other cat that looked so much like Izzy made her realize that our cat was really gone.

A member of our family for the past 10 years is missing and its not going to be easy to explain this to the kids.

The bad and the ugly

I've posted a lot of the good about what's been going on around here. I decided I needed to document some of the not so great moments of having an infant in the house again. Mostly so that a year from now when my husband says, 'Come on, dont you want one more?' I will be able to look back and see both ends of the deal! :)

Tess, I apologize, this is nothing against you sweet baby girl...just highlighting some of Mommy's weaknesses.

1. Guilt.(I know I've blogged about this before but its my biggest complaint so I have to have it on the list) I am always overcome by huge waves of guilt about my other kids. I feel that I'm not spending enough time with them and that I'm short tempered with them. I feel like they get gipped. I'm always saying, Shh, baby's sleeping. Or no, we cant, baby has to eat...etc. I know that every mother feels this. I also know that I have 3 younger brothers and I do not remember EVER feeling like I was getting a shaddy deal when they were brought home from the hospital. Well except for the fact that my parents never once brought me home a little sister! I also know that this feeling will pass and soon we will be a normal functioning family again and I will be feeling guilty that Tess is no longer a new born infant and that it went so quick! Actually this is already better after just 5 weeks.

2. Missing my husband. We have a routine. We get the kids to bed and we either watch a movie, a tv show or we read together. And while we do those things, we cuddle on the couch. Every night. I like routine. I thrive on it. So with an infant when that routine is thrown off, I get thrown off. I just miss my husband and our time together. Im not going to apologize for it.
Now we do get different time together. Time to sit and stare at our baby. To dream about her and talk about how perfect and precious she is. And that wont last forever, so Im trying to focus on that!

3. The state of my house. I cant keep on top of it all. The laundry, the dishes, the bottles, the toys. It seems unending. I remember thinking this when Avery and Sully were both born too. Eventually it will not seem like anything out of the ordinary to keep it all going. But for now, please dont look too close when you come into my home.

4. Mornings. Mornings are just plain insane. Four kids begging to be fed. One tired mommy. One daddy trying his hardest to be patient and helpful but desperately needing to be out the door for work. I know they'll get easier but for now I just count the seconds Jordan is out the door, breakfast is done and Tess has completed her first feeding. It is the most overwhelming time of my day and I dread it daily. I know there will be things that I dislike now, that I will miss in the future - but these mornings will NOT be one of those things!

5. I guess I really cant leave out lack of sleep. Although Tess has been so good to me. She gets up once a night which gives me atleast one 4-5 hour stretch of sleep most nights. I dont feel sleep deprived. But I'd rather be sleeping 8 hours instead of getting interupted! But she is VERY cuddly at 3 am!

6. Breastfeeding. Im sorry. I dont love it. I never have and its pretty obvious now that I never will. I do it because I feel its important for the baby, it helps us bond, it saves money and it shrinks my uterus!

7. Infants. Im not the best with newborns. I love them; how they smell, how they feel, their noises, their facial expressions...but I cant figure them out. Every cry seems to be yelling at me - if you were doing this right I wouldnt be unhappy! Infants make me feel like a failure. If all babies were born at 6 months of age - Id likely have 15 of them. Again, Tess Im sorry, you have been my easiest most content baby and I am enjoying you so much - but again, Im weak!

It is very evident to me that God uses new infants to remind me of my weaknesses. I know he is trying to teach me something, I just wish that my children didnt have to suffer because of it! They definetly deserve better than me. Hopefully the longer I do this, the more they will see Christ and the less of me they will see.

Having said all that I'll answer the question that we've been asked about 56 times since Tess was born - Are we done having kids?
The answer? Uh, we don't know. Ever since college we've said we would have 5 kids. I dont know where that # came from but it was our #. Then we started having kids and we said it was now a case by case basis!
With older children it becomes harder and harder to have an infant, that much I know. We are on the go more and have less time to sit and stare at the baby. But I can't say I FEEL done. I would say Jordan does not feel done. Before we decided to have Tess I knew if we didnt have ONE MORE, Id regret it when I was older. I dont know right now if I'll have that same thinking again. We'll see in a few years how we feel. That's the answer! Just what you were hoping for right?!?

They're Home

They're back and Papa Dennis said they did great. Until the last hour when to quote Papa Dennis, "Avery started being Avery."

I didn't even have to ask what that meant...I know what it means. And because I wasn't there...its extremely funny!

Outdoor Baby

Tess had a lot of fun outside last night!

Some of her faces...

perplexed


relaxed


tired


winking!


happy


hmmm, pondering

Toolman

Jordan was doing some work on Lauren's bike this weekend and Sully was helping! He put Jordan's hat on backwards and he was ready to work.




One of my favorite things about this boy is the little freckle on the end of his nose.

TOTALLY Unfair

Sullivan was just too little to partake in the day of fun. He wanted to ride on the bus so bad when he saw it pull up. Getting to sit on Papa's lap for 5 minutes was not enough.



I'm not sure he will ever forgive any of us.

Suprise!

Last night Papa Dennis suprised the girls with a fun trip he had planned for today. He'd been asked to drive the YMCA Daycare bus down to Adventureland for their outing. And he wanted to take Avery and Lauren. Of course they were thrilled.

I wish I had my camera with me when they saw the big school bus pull around the corner to pick them up. I think Avery actually squealed! They will have a great day.







(They both also might be scared for life after the lecture Jordan and I gave them about strangers before they left! Be safe my girls!)

Missing

Isabel is missing. We haven't seen her since Sunday night.
If you live in our neighborhood please be on the look out.

I know. She's a cat. But she's my cat and my dad gave her to me. Enough said.

Come home Izzy.

Another weekend - GONE

Its Sunday night again. I loathe Sunday nights.
We had a great weekend. Jordan's sister Trina and the kids were so we had lots of time with cousins. Lots of time to chat and laugh. I love it that our kids have cousins close to their ages. Its so special to seem them becoming friends and making memories.
We also spent time outside and at the pool, shopped for school supplies and I even took a couple of naps and Jordan let me sleep in a bit.
But now here we are at Sunday and I'm feeling a bit of panic rising in my chest. I forget when this panic like feeling went away after Sullivan was born and I was overwhelmed with 3 kids. But I hope it doesnt last too long as I adjust to these 4! ;)

Its in my voice...

So, my precious baby has her first illness. I spose it was inevitable with all the snotty noses and coughs we have around our house. Yesterday she slept practically the entire day and then in the evening got very snotty lathargic and didn't eat well.
About 10 we took her temp and it was close to 100. I called Ask A Nurse because I didnt have a clue how much Tylenol an infant could have.

Well turns out you arent supposed to give them Tylenol till they're 3 months. Hmmm.

So Tess and I slept on the couch together so I could keep her as upright as possible so she could breathe. She slept pretty well but still sounds very congested this morning. POOR BABY!

Anyway, when I was talking to the nurse on the phone one of the first things she said was, "So I take it this is not your first baby?"
I laughed and said, "No, its my fourth, why?"
She laughed too and said, "Its in your voice dear."

That made me feel a little better, at least I didnt SOUND like I was really worried. (Because I really was, I think my heart rate was elevated most of the night!)

New hair cut...new boy

Sully got a fun new haircut. He looks very grown up all of a sudden!


Silly face...

Clean up, Clean up

I love it when Sullivan sings the 'Clean up' song that he learned at the babysitter.
So sweet. I never want to forget the sound of his sweet little voice.

4 years and 1 month

Avery had her 4 year well child appt. yesterday. An hour and half and 4 shots later and we were done. She was not happy about the shots. She weighs 34 lbs and is 40 inches tall - 50% for both.
She's all set for kindergarten now - even though that 's 2 years away.

I also had Tess weighed again. She is 8 lbs 12 ou.!!! She's gained 12 ou in a week. If she keeps this up she is going to have a problem! :)

Tess is 1 month old today - how is that possible?

What I needed to hear...

"Your other children WILL live. They will live through a few months, or even a year, of too much TV. They will survive even without any sense of a routine or quality interaction with their mother. They will still love you even after witnessing your moments of sheer insanity. They will even be able to go to college despite the absolute lack of any educational experiences during the first year of the new baby. So, don't stress out about it."

I read the above on the blog of another mom of a newborn (her 4th) who read it on another blog of a mom of a newborn (her 5th child).

Guilt is my biggest beef with having a newborn. I constantly feel like Im neglecting the needs of my other children. Having to say too often, "no, we cant, baby is napping. No we cant, baby is eating. Shhh! and stop doing that." I know it's ridiculous but as Courtney said, finding the balance is hard! I want to hold them all so tight and ensure they are being loved and happy but I only have 2 arms and for most of the day - the baby is taking up both of them!
I keep telling myself that my mom brought home 3 babies after me and I never once felt left out or abused!

Thanks Courtney!

Missing Jesus

This morning out of the blue Avery told me:
"Mommy, I miss Jesus because I haven't seen him in a VERY long time. And I don't even remember what he looks like. I'd like to see him again soon. I bet he misses me too."

Oh I love that girl.

Another one of my dancing princesses...

In his defense, his sisters did this to him. Although he seemed to enjoy it, or at least think it was very funny.


These pictures will definetly be displayed at his graduation.

Four

The kids and I were running errands today and I looked in the rearview mirror and saw 4 kids. 4.
It kind of hit me that I actually have 4 children. Im responsible for them completely.

I know, you'd think I would have known I had 4 kids. But sometimes it hits me. Sometimes I feel like I should still be 21 years old at UNI with my friends. Now, fast forward 10 years and I'm responsible for the lives of 4 people. 4!

Its a little scary.

We have become that family that gets the look. You know the one, the one where people cringe when you walk into the house, restaurant, store, public area. We get a lot of, wow, you are busy, how do you do it? are you crazy? was this on purpose? you must be loony.

I've come to welcome that look. Because you know what? We did choose this. We felt led by God when we decided to have each of these children and they are the hugest blessings we will ever know. Are there days where we look at each other and say, What did we do? How did we get here? Yes. Are there nights I fall into bed with tears in my eyes because Im exhausted? Of course! But there are never days that I regret any moment with these children. I understand that God has choosen to bless us with a heritage that not everyone gets to have. As we grow older these children will continue to bring us joy and sorrow. God uses both to teach us what he needs to teach us. Along the way he commands that I teach them about him - what a wonderful task I have been given.

So yes, we might be a little crazy, we are definetly a little tired, but we are also deliriously happy with our quiver full. (delirious being a key there!)

We love you Lauren, Avery, Sullivan and Tess. With all our hearts. Thank you for letting us be your mommy and daddy.

Showers of Blessings

Last weekend Jordan's aunts threw a shower for Tess and her cousin Christian. Tess was more than spoiled...

The theme for the party should have been Polka Dots! She received many things with dots! All so cute. Thank you to all...







I LOVE my new diaper bag!!!


I cant wait to have our newest dancing princess have her pictures taken in this outfit and shoes!

Great Grandma Tope

Tess got to meet her Great Grandma Tope yesterday. We made the drive up and Tess slept the entire way and then slept pretty much the whole time we were at the nursing home too. But Grandma loved showing her off and telling everyone that her new great grandaughter came to see her on her 4 week birthday.

Two things I love

1. Watching my husband hold my kids - and when they hold onto his fingers.


2. The backs of babies' heads!

"I think I need to read her a story"

Another Avery bedtime prayer

"Dear Jesus,
I pray that Tess stays healthy, and ...she poops a lot."

A very sweet prayer, and a very truthful prayer.

Other faces of Tess

I love this one...its like she's asking Jordan, "are you done taking pictures yet?"

Smiles

Yes, those are real smiles...at her mommy! There could be nothing cuter, sweeter, more precious or more fun to watch!

Missing him

Just missing him tonight.

Way to go Sully!!!

Since we moved all the toys into the general living area of our home I have really been enforcing the rule, "Put that toy away before you get out the next one."
The girls follow it great.
After nap Sullivan got ALL his cars out, the tracks, the mat, the whole bit. Then he played with it for about 7 minutes and wanted to color. I got him a color book and crayons and said, Before you can play you must put your cars away.
I turned my back and came back a little bit later and it was ALL put away. Every bit.

I was so proud I could have cried. I had him give me five and a hug. He was pretty proud too!

Its the little things people!

'Our County Fair is a Great County Fair'

Well I've lived here since I was 13. I went to our County Fair for the first time last night.
We saw:
bunnies


cows


and Sullivan's favorite, TRACTORS!

Little Porker

We had to take Sully to the dr. this am for some issues his been having in the diarhea department. He's hopefully on the mend now. No one in our house has been sick in months - then I bring a new baby home and we all get sick!??! Seriously!

While we were there I had Tess weighed. She is exactly 8 lbs.!!!!! If the goal is to be back at birth weight by 2 weeks - then Tess might need to cut back on her feedings a bit - almost a full pound in 3 weeks! (just kidding on the cutting back part...)

My Sully-Man

I was kind of dreading today. Lauren is with my mom and Avery is with Cindy. Its just me, Sully and Tess. I thought it was going to be a long stressful day. But Sully has been so GREAT! I forget how fun he is one-on-one.
We've played and gone outside, gone to the library and had a special lunch of waffles together. He's talked and talked to me and I've just enjoyed it all.
And sweet little Tess has been good enough to nap through most of it! :)

Now its almost nap time for both of them, the laundry is caught up, beds have fresh bedding, dishes are loaded and I'm thinking it might be a chance for me to get a little nap too!

Where did Bo Bo go?

Reason to cry #1.
One of our kids favorite things to do is to watch videos of themselves from when they were younger. I love to do it too but it always makes me a little sad.

Recently we watched some from when Lauren was just about 4 and Avery was about 16 months. Where did those babies go?!?! I dont even recognize them, and it happened fast, really fast. Its scary.

Reason to cry #2
Yesterday morning when I got Sully up he first asked, "Where's the baby?" next, "Where's Lauren?"
I didn't understand what he said when asking for Lauren. He has ALWAYS called Lauren 'Bo Bo'. I don't know how you get Bo Bo out of Lauren but he does or did. But since yesterday he calls her something that sounds much more like Lauren and I don't like it! It was adorable when he called her Bo Bo. We even made her Mii on Wii named Bo Bo! And now that might be gone!

Its like when Avery stopped saying "Aye" for Yes. It was so unbelieveably cute. We called her the Pirate...she sounded just like a baby pirate.

I'm really missing these little things about them. I guess its always a good reminder that while these days are so very long at times, the years are so very very short!

Just what I needed

I've been feeling rather wiped out tonight. Totally ready for bed.

Then Avery came up and said, "Mommy, you are my favorite mommy." And gave me a kiss and a hug and walked away.

I have a little more energy now. She always seems to know just what to say or do to lift my spirits. I really do believe it is a special gift she has.

Thank you Avery!

Little Peanut

A boy and his cars

Sully doing what Sully loves best...

Before bed

I love it when I turn on the camera and find pictures that I didnt know anyone had taken. Jordan took these the other night before bed I guess!

Not the best

This isn't the best day I've ever had. Lauren has been battling a virus of some kind for 4 days. At 2 this morning I woke up with it. Fever, shakes, aches, pains, headache - all of it. Thankfully Jordan stayed home from work today because I havent been able to do much more than feed Tess.
Lets just hope that it stops with me.

Its still pretty rough around here...

I cannot explain the sweetness of this baby girl.