One year later...

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed. I remember the morning of June 2nd 2006 like it was yesterday. Unfortunately, I cannot forget any of the details. My mom called from California shortly after 6 am. After the phone call Jordan and I sat in a state of shock. At 6:30 our alarm clock went off. And as my wonderful Savior had planned the song, “I Can Only Imagine” suddenly filled our bedroom. We both knew that my dad was no longer imagining what standing before his Savior was like. Our tears flowed harder but as I look back I can see that from the very minute our tragedy started, God was in control. My mom all alone in CA was alone. He sent a Christian grief counselor named TJ, literally right to her side as she prayed for wisdom before calling each us with the news. This woman helped my mom come home to us made all the arrangements for her to get back. That was nothing short of a miracle.

Now, it is my nature to question everything. It helps me to feel some sort of control in my life. So when I have unanswered questions, I feel out of control. Think God is trying to tell me something? I know, I know. Anyway, my questions about my dad’s death are numerous. Why, why then, why when he was so far away, why no warning, why did this happen, why did that happen, was that a warning sign, on and on. I’m not sure if my mind has truly ever turned off since his death. But I am also struck by the fact that while God is not going to answer these questions for me, at least not now, he is there for me. He wants to be, if I let him that is. I know that He is in heaven pleading with me, “If only you could see it from here, if you only you understood my plan!” In the year since his death I have never been closer to my Savior. Never turned to him so fully and completely. And for that I am so grateful.
I heard this song on the radio the other day and it has become so comforting to me. Sometimes He Calms The Storm by Scott Krippayne. God isn’t going to calm this storm. He could, but he isn’t going to until someday when we all reach heaven together. Until then He WILL calm me, his child. He will give me peace.

Here are the words to the song:
All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control

Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child

He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place


Some passages on my heart the past week:

I Timothy 1:15 – one of my dad’s favorite verses
Matt. 5:4 – I never understood this verse until I had to be truly comforted by Him.
Jer. 31:3
I Cor. 14:33
II Cor. 12:9-10
Phil. 1:6