He will carry me...

As I've gotten older I've learned this about myself...I handle the BIG things well.

I do big.

I'm strong for those things. I want to lift others up as I am lifted up. I know where to turn. I have an amazing support system and in those instances...a strong faith.

Its the little things where I fail. Where my faith is so little.

The daily, over and over again struggles, disappointments, moments of panic, doubt and anger that leave me weak and haggard.

You see I have a gift - I can make those small things seem so very big. I make the small - BIG! ugh.

Now, I've been in some of the big valleys. The shadow of death. I'm blessed that I haven't been there many times...but I've known darkness. And I can look and see - He brought me forth as gold after those trials...Job 23:10 'But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.' I believe that truth with all of my heart because I have seen it played out in my life.

Then comes Monday or Wednesday or Thursday.

And Satan starts pecking. Starts putting small doubts and concerns into my head. Then he keeps bringing them back again and again. Until they control my thinking. Destroy my confidence. And suddenly its big and I am in a bad place.

Dark. And Satan is so happy. And I can see his smile. And he uses that dark place to destroy things around me.

And when its the small things that get to you - its hard to explain to your spouse, your friend, your support. You know how it sounds in your head...so saying it out loud is even worse! Because its hard to explain and you don't want to burden others with unimportant ramblings and unreasonableness! And I always think, its crazy, I cant take this to Christ. He's there for the BIG!

But that is NOT the promise. The promise is 1 Peter 5:7 'Casting all your cares upon Him. For He cares for you.'

I have more trouble believing this truth because He's God! And He has such important work to do! But, if I'd just listen to that promise and believe it then the little would not have a chance to become the big!

My days would not become a struggle.

This week I was driving and this song came on, He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz. And he started singing about walking in the valley of the shadow and I thought, sometimes I feel like I'm there - but its for the small! How can I claim I'm in the valley when my 'issues', my doubts, placed there by a very really and powerful Satan, are so so small!?

But it was like God used that song to call to me...I will carry you Becky, My love will comfort you. You don't have to be broken. I am always with you. I will see you through the big storms AND the small. I want it ALL. Don't give Satan a foothold. Hold on tightly to me. Replace that foothold with ME. Pursue me. I am all the strength that you will ever need. I will carry you. I want to carry you.

And I'll tell you: THAT makes me feel strong. And I no longer see Satan smiling. I see him slinking away to his corner with my Savior standing between us.

And that leaves me strong.

Very Very Strong.