Waiting...

If I had to name my biggest flaw it would be lack of patience.

Ask my husband.

Waiting is EXCRUCIATING for me.

And really for anyone who has to be near me while I am waiting. 

This problem can rear its ugly head in the every day - like waiting for the oven to heat up, the kids to get their shoes on, or Jordan to answer a question I've asked. 

I tap my toes, bark orders and nervously pace around the house.

It can also rear its head in important things...like times when God chooses to be silent with me and all I want is an ANSWER! or a clue as to WHY I am going through what I need to go through. 

Waiting for the 'why's' in life to be answered have probably added all the gray hairs to my head and taken at least a few years off my life. 

Learning patience has been something that Christ has been working on in me for my entire spiritual life. 

And I'll admit...I'm a horrible student. 

Just when I think I'm getting better...perhaps maturing!

Bam, I'm back where I started - pacing the floor, lying awake at night, feeling anxious and begging Him for an answer. 

Last week this verse was laid in front of me. 

And while I know Christ still has major work to do on my inpatient heart...this verse calmed my spirit.

It softened my heart to the Joy of Waiting for the first time in my life. 

Isaiah 30:18

'Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you,

and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.

For the Lord is a God of justice;

blessed are all those who wait for Him.'

I had to read it a number of times.

It seems to contrary. So backwards. 

He WAITS to BE GRACIOUS, to SHOW MERCY.

to me. 

And I am BLESSED when I wait FOR HIM.

I'm not sure words can really explain how my heart felt after reading that. 

I felt like I understood why I need to wait for the first time. 

He isnt asking me to wait so that He can see me squirm.

Waiting is how He refines me. 

How He perfects me. 

I think that verse may have been written just for me. 

He knew exactly how much I would need it. 

And how I would cling to it.