the countdown

(Beware...ranting here...but also includes adorable pictures of someone in a pink swimsuit and pink cowgirl boots...and encouragement at the end!)

The big countdown is on.

School starts in less than 3 weeks.

The kids are getting excited. And they are fighting more. And driving me rather crazy. So I know we are getting close.

Im excited.

And I'm dreading it.

Like most parts of them growing up.

Its been a good summer. But there are a lot of things I wish we'd done that we didn't. I meant to have more one on one time with each of the older kids. I didnt. That's hard to do with a baby.

I felt like I said to myself, 'next year will be an easier summer'...a lot. And I hate that. I hate living for 'next year'. I want to live for now. And while we did that a lot...I didnt enough.

I said, no a lot this summer. No, we cant do that, the baby is napping. No, we cant do that because I cant take all of you AND the baby to do that without daddy with us and he's at work.

No, no, no.

I hate that. Hate saying no.

I want to be FUN!

One day Avery said, 'sometimes I wish that we didnt have so many kids in our family so I could just have more time with you.' She didnt say it snotty, just stating the fact of how she was feeling.

And what I heard was, 'Wow, EPIC fail mom. EPIC FAIL!

And I know she doesn't really mean she doesnt want her siblings...I know that by the smiles and laughter I hear pouring out of her as they play together. I know by watching the bond between her and Lauren and the similarities between her and Contessa. And I know, I know that eventually she will be happy she has a big family to surround her with love and support for the rest of her days. I know that...because I have been in her place. But I also want to give her so much more of myself than I can give right now.

Having a five kids is a lot. I love it. But I feel torn 5 different directions at almost every point of the day. And those are just the directions of the kids...not to mention my job, my house, my friends, my extended family, my HUSBAND!

And Satan really likes to attack me when I feel overwhelmed and like a failure. He can play the 'yes, you are a big fat failure' card at just the right moments! He's a clever one.

And Im really not complaining. I just want to remember. To remember that this summer was wonderful just like it shows in all our pictures. We've had awesome times and made great memories. But this summer with a 9, 7, 5, 3 and baby was also exhausting...and made me feel rather inadequate at many points.

What I love is how my kids seem to possess some magical ability to forgive me. It seems that with each new sunrise they have forgotten my failures the day before...they are not nearly as hard on me as I am on myself.

And even better than that...God's mercies are new each morning. When I fail He doesn't want me to wallow in it. He wants me to start the new day renewed in his strength. Raising my kids with all my power and patience and love as a glory to Him.

These verses give me strength and hope for tomorrow and not just that...but for TODAY!

Lamentations 3:22-23 'The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.

Exodus 15:2 'The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation, this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him.

Psalm 21:13 'Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength! We will sing and praise your power.'

Psalm 28:7 'The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped, my heart exalts, and with my song I give thanks to Him.'

Psalm 59:16 'But I will sing of your strength, I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuse in the day of my distress.'